A year gone by

What a year. The biggest change is about to happen. BRAIN SURGERY! Who knows what will happen. It's all up to the Universe.

Mudger

Birthdays

Yesterday was Brian's birthday. It is so very strange not having him around. I miss him terribly. I know time heals, but that doesn't help at the moment.

Mudger

We the (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender) People of the United States...

“We the (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender) People of the United States…”

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

– Declaration of Independence.

As American citizens we have the right to choose how we live our lives. It is Nature’s life which has been given to us by a creator, which is not necessarily another’s creator. The conditions of liberty are our birthright. Liberty is the natural state of being, given to all without merit or chance. It is the freedom and triumph of the individual over those persons or institutions who would deny such rights. We are free to construct a world of our choosing where joy and contentment reign, as long as our version of happiness does not deny the opportunity for others.

The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

-The United States Constitution, Amendment IX of the Bill of Rights.

The Constitution of the United States of America is a document filled with the aspirations and hopes of countless Americans. “We the people” has changed and adapted over our country’s lifetime. It has come to include people whom the writers and delegates to the Constitutional Convention would have been hard pressed to have imagined. Many millions of ‘The People” are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (GLBT). We seem to be the last group to seek recognition of our rights under the law. The framers of the Constitution knew they didn’t have it all correct. They understood that humans and governments are flawed. The Ninth Amendment contained in the Bill of Rights plainly points the way to justice for GLBT persons. The Constitution didn’t mention homosexuals, domestic partnership benefits, civil unions, or same-sex marriage, but it didn’t have to! The government may not deny us as law abiding citizens, these unalienable rights. Unalienable rights of our choosing, not of the governments.

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

-President Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address

President Abraham Lincoln found words to attempt to ease the wounds of a country gripped in the claws of a civil war. The blood of thousands of courageous men soaked the soil of Pennsylvania for beliefs. Two beliefs so closely intertwined with each other, yet so totally incompatible. “We the People” was put to the test. Could a group of Americans decide to use the words of the Constitution to forge a new country, focusing on the rights of the individual and state, ignoring the basic proposition “that all men are created equal”? The courage of their convictions raised to its height as General Pickett led that valiant and fateful charge.

Would the rest of “The People” and the Government of the United States be able to let them go? Could those who had been given power by “The People” protect the Constitution from being shredded by slavery, racism, and economic servitude? Who would “We the People” be? A nation birthed in the cries of liberty once again rose up to fight injustice. Its face shown in the likes Colonel Patrick O’Rourke and his Rochester men as they charged unhesitantly over the edge of Little Round Top, unloaded guns and all, into a rain of lead.

Once again the nation faces a crisis over who “We the People” are. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender citizens are demanding to be heard. Our country “conceived in liberty” and baptized in the blood needed to break the chains of bondage, knows where to stand. All citizens are “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights.” It may feel uncomfortable for some, or even downright unpleasant, but freedom is not negotiable.

Charles E. Mudge

December 17, 2005

Been a While

I've not felt like writing in quite a while. I've plenty to say, just not the ambition to put it down. I look at the news all around me and wonder what in the world is happening to my country, to our world. My life at the moment basically sucks, but how can I be upset or even let myself feel bad when I see the hell going on around us.

Faces of children in pain, hunger, and fear. Faces from my neighborhood full of fear from guns and death. Faces from places across this planet who live in utter destruction from acts of nature, or acts of man.

Everywhere humans doing to other humans unspeakable acts of violence. Torture in the name of my country. Murder and terrorism in the name of religion. Beatings, imprisonment, "capitol punshiment", verbal abuse, and the denial of basic rights of those who love members of the same sex. Women whose spirits are being crushed under the weight of "customs" imposed upon them.

Workers all over the world. Living from paycheck to paycheck, or from day to day. Some workers chained in locked rooms to work unbearable hours. Other workers being laid off or forced into taking massive pay cuts because "they make too much". Workers being told "The foreign workers can live on 3 dollars a day, you should be able to". Hey just don't worry that the cost of living here makes it impossible. Living in a Walmart world where "made in the cheapest place possible" labels are fashionable.

Airplane companies now are in the private security business. Why not hire a former soldier from Peru to go to Iraq and pay them 35 dollars a day, when the company gets 300 dollars a day from the government for their position. It's only fair the company should make the profit on my taxes, and not the actual person doing the work. Companies and government work together to create "Clear Skies" and "Healty Forests" initiatives, just rape with a different package name.

No longer do those in government power pretend they're not favoring the wealthy. It's out in the open, but they use words and ideas to confuse and manipulate the mind. The population of our country is being abused, and like those abused, we are believing irrational things. We are told "If we don't give these tax cuts to the rich it will be a tax increase on us all." So a tax increase is when we don't give a tax cut to those who don't need it? How does that compute?

With all this how can I mire in self pity? I want to scream out and say how crappy my life is, but my voice becomes hollow and the sound indescript as the surrounding world closes in.

My the Spirit of the Universe help us all.

Mudger

Priests, hypocrisy, and Denial

The leaders of the Jesuit Order and others are concerned about this new "directive" coming out of Rome concerning gay priests. Gay Roman Catholics are no longer going to be considered worthy of becoming priests, and those who have been or still are may not be qualified either.

What in the world did they expect? There has been a systematic effort to rid the Roman Catholic Church of homosexuals. In 1986 Cardinal Ratzinger, now the pope, came out with the teaching that homosexuals are "intrinsically evil and objectively disordered." The USCCB produced "All Our Children" which tried to lessen the blow to gay and lesbian ministries and persons, but that document has all but been forgotten, and has been dismissed by church leaders.

Organizations such as DignityUSA, who minister to gay and lesbian Catholics, were thrown out of many Roman Catholic churches in 1986. The dioceses like Rochester, where Dignity was still supported by priests saying Mass, were eventually forced to stop that practice. The rational given in Rochester was the need to focus its priestly resources at the parish level, but the directive to end this practice came from Rome.

Sr. Jeannine Gramick and Fr. Robert Nugent founders of New Ways Ministry were ordered to be silent. Thoughts, written words, and talks regarding homosexuals as being in alignment with God's creation and persons capable loving fully human relationships are forbidden and dealt with harshly. Fr. Nugent complied with Rome's silencing, Sr. Gramick did not and continues to speak out.

Over the past number of years gay and lesbian persons have been gaining recognition as full members of society and being accorded the rights thereof. No longer comfortable in the closet these families are asking for equal treatment under the law. And you will never guess which organization is at the forefront of opposing these families. Yes, you guessed it, the Roman Catholic Church. The Church's stance is that these families receive no benefits of any kind that might actually make it look like a family. No health care, no sick leave, no death bereavement time, and no financial equality should be given according to the Church. The Church also states that the adoption of children by gay and lesbian persons is destructive to children.

Persons who wear a rainbow sash to Mass on Pentecost to let the Church know its gay and lesbian brothers and sisters are part of the body of Christ are denied the Eucharist. The Church says that it's a political statement. The Rainbow Sash Movement members wonder how showing the God given truth of their lives can be political. Politicians are now being denied or threatened with denial of the Eucharist if they don't vote as the Vatican wishes. Paul Martin, the Prime Minister of Canada, has been told he will be denied because he supported same-sex marriage and equal treatment for citizens of his country. Bishops are meeting in Rome this weekend to discuss how they should deal with politicians around the globe. Do you really have any questions about how this discussion will turn out?

When the Vatican told Bishop Matthew Clark of the Diocese of Rochester to ban priests from saying Mass for Dignity-Integrity Rochester, the reason given was that the priestly resources of the diocese were spread to thin for this to continue. It wasn't a very convincing reason, and the words didn't change any of the outcome. A priest told me after the ban that those who came and said Mass were hurt and pained by the bishops directive, but that they just continued to focus on giving the Eucharist to those they could. No priest has chosen to say Mass since.

Where were the voices of priests and bishops shouting out when homosexuals were deemed "intrinsically evil and objectively disordered?" Where are their voices when people and families and children are being demonized? Where are their voices when Roman Catholics are denied the Eucharist? Where are their voices when democracy is threatened? They are silent. There might be whispers, but knowone listens to faceless voices.

The Roman Catholic Church has spent the past twenty years trying to rid itself of homosexual persons. Did the gay priests and bishops and those that support them think they were immune? They watched as their gay and lesbian brothers and sisters were left out to dry. Now the chickens have come home to roost. Their silence may cost them more personally than they ever thought.

It's hard to have compassion and understanding for those who abandoned you. I'm sure they will want support, but supporting persons who shunned you is difficult, especially when it's now happening to them. However it wouldn't be Christian and Catholic to hold onto resentment, so I will pray for the Church and those it now sees as undesirable and not worthy.

Mudger

Will You Be There?

Hold Me
Like The River Jordan
And I Will Then Say To Thee
You Are My Friend

Carry Me
Like You Are My Brother
Love Me Like A Mother
Will You Be There?

Weary
Tell Me Will You Hold Me
When Wrong, Will You Skold Me
When Lost Will You Find Me?

But They Told Me
A Man Should Be Faithful
And Walk When Not Able
And Fight Till The End
But I'm Only Human

Everyone's Taking Control Of Me
Seems That The World's
Got A Role For Me
I'm So Confused
Will You Show To Me
You'll Be There For Me
And Care Enough To Bear Me

(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)

(Lead Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)

(Carry)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me There)

(Save Me)
(Heal Me And Bathe Me)
(Softly You Say To Me)
(I Will Be There)

(Lift Me)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Show Me You Care)

(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)

(Need Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)

Words of M. Jackson

Words to think on...
Mudger

Funeral Words

Hello my friends, peace be with you.

Last spring I asked Brian to go with me to pick out a new suit. I needed an expert on coordinating clothing, and who better to ask. A man who can coordinate his clothing all the way down to his shoelaces has got to be good. This was the first suit he saw, and it certainly works for me. Trading in the old stuff for a better look and fit.

Over the years I knew Brian he grew and changed, exchanging old ways for new, walking on the path to becoming the man God created him to be.

When I first met Brian he swept me off my feet. He was so charming. His infectious smile would have melted an iceberg it was so warm. He was my first true love. He showed me what being a man and being gay was all about. It was as much a part of him as his mustache, and was nothing to be ashamed of. We laughed, cried, loved, and argued. He tormented me by constantly having a camera in his hand taking photographs, and playing his new CD’s over and over. It was wild and fun, but alcohol had its way with us both.

Alcoholics Anonymous opened the door to a new life. Brian got sober, met a very tough sponsor named Wally who helped Brian face the reality of life. Brian truly lived the AA saying “One day at a time.” He understood that living sober meant more than just not drinking. It meant living a spiritual life, striving for serenity, and trying to be of service to others. Brian began to live selflessly, not selfishly.

Brian spoke to me often about his conversations with God. They were very close you know. He’d tell me how God was constantly showing him the way to go, especially when Brian was clueless about what was next. We all have our ways to God, but I did envy his connection with the Creator.

Brian, as many of you probably know, was a little difficult to get a hold of. I know he left his answering machine full on purpose. But if I needed him, he would be there. He was the one I called when I was in an accident last year. He was the voice of reason when my mind and emotions were racing. My ex partner Michael used to say Brian was like Mr. Spock on Star Trek. Well if that’s the case I must be Captain Kirk, because Brian was always there to help me figure things out.

Since this April it seems we switched roles. His world turned upside down. I had a chance to give him the support he needed, and an ear to bend. He was amazed how I could listen to him for hours, but how could you not want to listen to Brian. Brian showed such strength even when things seemed so confusing.
Brian’s battle with cancer came to an end quicker than I expected, but I am sure he was more than ready. This past Monday I knelt and held his hand and whispered the 23rd psalm that William was reading out loud. I felt his spirit gently slip away as the prayer ended, a light and airy feeling. I sensed the joy of Brian’s release from this world. So now he’s changed again, and I’m sure he’s looking fine in a much better suit than he picked out for me.



I’d like to end with some lyrics Brian loved from the song “Will You Be There?” by Michael Jackson.


In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?

In my trials
And my tribulations
Through our doubts
And frustrations

In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
And my confessions

In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow

I’ll never let you part
For your always in my heart.

God Bless,


Mudger